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Jul. 14th, 2023 12:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lotesseOh I am so constrained in the fussing and chronology of daily life/time! I want out, out, out! Why can't I dream/write/drift/stabilize/be alone and content with it?
The above declaration sounds distressed, but I feel like I'm actually on to something. Achievement can so easily become a False God for me, a goal in and of itself, and I know, I KNOW, that when that happens it actually cuts me off from my vital, interior, messy, generative self.
Scraping too low is bad, it's re-traumatizing; but continual "growth" toward more and more achievement is also not necessarily the way I want to try to live. I don't want to be perfect, that I'm confident of. Wanting to be "successful" is more of a lure, and at a certain level that's for real, practical reasons. But it can also so easily get out of control.
I want to grow; not drive/experience "growth" in the sense of capital. & those are not, NOT, the same thing.
this lovely essay about "personhood" by Johanna Hedva was epiphanic and clarifying for me today.
I've also been meaning to link this essay from Mo Ryan about Cordelia Chase for a few days, hat tip tomusesfool. Cordelia <3
The above declaration sounds distressed, but I feel like I'm actually on to something. Achievement can so easily become a False God for me, a goal in and of itself, and I know, I KNOW, that when that happens it actually cuts me off from my vital, interior, messy, generative self.
Scraping too low is bad, it's re-traumatizing; but continual "growth" toward more and more achievement is also not necessarily the way I want to try to live. I don't want to be perfect, that I'm confident of. Wanting to be "successful" is more of a lure, and at a certain level that's for real, practical reasons. But it can also so easily get out of control.
I want to grow; not drive/experience "growth" in the sense of capital. & those are not, NOT, the same thing.
this lovely essay about "personhood" by Johanna Hedva was epiphanic and clarifying for me today.
I've also been meaning to link this essay from Mo Ryan about Cordelia Chase for a few days, hat tip to
musesfool. Cordelia <3