throbbing light machine

Hard day today. Woke up and felt ready to be brave and worked on my dissertation prospectus for a bit, and that was hard but good. Realized that over the holidays we never talked about my recently-deceased granfer, and had to think pretty hard about that too. Got a fucking facebook friend request and pm from the guy my Ex left me with, and I think I did that thing again where I was so happy to not be merely brushed aside, so relieved to get some indication that he gave a shit, that I forgot to be angry; when I told my mama she was angry about it, and now that I think about it, idk, I can see how I could be too, even though I can't really feel it. Would I ever be with someone that I had witnessed actively abusing a partner? I can't imagine falling in love with someone who was hurting someone else. So maybe it IS okay to hold other people to my own standards.

Anyway, that kind of sucked. Saw a photo of my Ex. They're in NM, I guess, which is at least some relief; at least he's not here anymore.

And now it turns out I have to move again, because my aunt is selling the farm and going west, and I'm so happy for her that she's getting out from under this place, the family obligations and the isolation that's been hard on her. I'd hoped she'd get out of Indiana; when she left as a twentysomething I know she'd never meant to come back. But. I really, really like living here.

I hate moving, and I hate money, and whose idea was it anyway, to make things so hard?